So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
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