It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
