I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Green mimosas i think yes
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
