How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
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I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
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A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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