From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
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I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
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HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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