Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
