"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
