Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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