i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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