...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
