and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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