I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
