There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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