It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
