Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
