When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
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