like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I see more hoeing in ur future
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