I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
