i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
