you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
