he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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