Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
