they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
