I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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