these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
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I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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