Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I need to sanitize my soul.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Randomize