After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
