I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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