It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
