How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
