i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
