Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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