Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
