a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
