I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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