hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
