Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
