I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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