worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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