btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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