I like to think it a success when the cops are called
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
