The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
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