he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
It's official drugs can't kill me
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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