I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
