i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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