I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
