He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
