I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
