I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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