yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
