she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Your dad touched me again.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
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I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
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That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?