I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"