I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
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Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
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He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.