never play flip cup with pint glasses
Just cropdusted the office
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
