what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
