my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
