you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
