I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Your cock deserves a montage
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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