Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I wish I only lived at night.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
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omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
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tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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