Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
