I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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