You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
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Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
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Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
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