I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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