I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
